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7 Things people assumed I knew about becoming a mom


In the Netherlands, where I am from, woman have a nurse at their service for the first week after birth. She comes in the morning and stays till the afternoon for the first 7-10 days.

She consults you on how to breast feed, does your laundry, helps with your guests, weighs your baby, lets you rest and basically teaches you all the ins and outs and answers all your questions. She guides you, sees exactly what you need and advices you on the things you can be doing more efficiently.

In America? You visit the doctor once 2 days after you give birth.

Personally, I could barely get out of the car and literally waddled from the pain I was still in. (4th degree tears are no joke)

And you know what? I seriously don't think that that visit did anything.. They weighed Adeline, measured her and asked me if I had questions, which I had not. I had been at home for a day, had been up for 70+ hours and couldn't even think straight.

So the doctor assumed I was good and send me home, not to see him again for another 2 weeks.

I was so overwhelmed.

Although I was told I could call this "hotline" for any of my question, how would I know what to ask? How would I know what I was doing right or wrong?

Thank God my mom came a week later, who really helped me. She showed me how to do things and let me cry on day 10; which apparently is the day most woman have a little breakdown, who knew..

No wonder postpartum depression has way higher numbers in the states than in Europe.

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My sister had a baby 4 months prior to me, so I got to closely compare our expierinces. I would have loved to have a nurse showing me how to 'mom' in the first week. I hope this blog might help some new mommys so unlike me, they don't have to be surprised and say "I wish I knew that sooner."

Here we go; 7 things people assumed I knew about being a new mom, but I didn't.

1 - Breastmilk is like Mexican food

This means that the first milk (foremilk) that comes out of your breasts, is like chips and salsa. Ofcourse you can get full on chips and salsa but, the second milk (hindmilk) is like carne asada. Carne asada is what you came for and what will hold you over till your next meal. So this way your baby won't want to eat every second and she will have less poopy diapers. I was feeding my baby on both sides so all she was getting was chips and salsa. The trick is to try to feed her on one side as much as possible. Result? More time between feedings, more weight gain and less poopy diapers.

2- Babies can't breath out of their mouths yet

This is in the same list as; "your baby had a soft spot and you have to always support her head." Basic baby information, but for some reason I didn't know this. So always make sure you got a "booger-sucker" on hand, to clean that little nose.

3- If your baby has Bili-Ruben (Jaundice) she is the norm, not the exception

When our nurse came in, telling us Adeline was in the high-intermediate zone with her Bili-Ruben numbers and we had to formula feed to get them lower. I freaked out. It sounded so scary. I had never heard of Bili-Ruben and thought she was going to get brain damage or something. So I force fed her formula, even though that hurt my heart so much, since all I wanted to do was breastfeed. Now knowing what I know, I realized that most babies have BR. My sisters baby had the same numbers I did, but because no one made a big deal about it; neither did she. Those first days where so hard for me to enjoy because I thought that Adeline had some crazy issue, when in reality, it is very normal. Our doctor made it seem like she had to have her numbers down within days. Now I know that, as long as her numbers didn't go up, Adeline was fine and with regular feeding and sun everything evens out in a week or two.

4- Don't let spit up drip in your babies ears, it can cause infections

Ofcourse I clean Adeline when she spits up, but during the night or a nap it might just be a quick whipe. Well we were at the doctor and Adeline spit up in front of the nurse. A little drip almost reached Adeline's ear, when the nurse spoke up. Now I know to focus and be careful with her ears when she spits up.

5- swaddling to tight can cause rashes/baby acne

And here I thought "the tighter the better" because someone told me she was tight in my belly so she likes it and it gives her security..

6- Babies are always hungry

My doctor tells me to feed on demand and that Adeline will create her own routine. Now I am not saying that that's a bad thing, but I noticed that if I did that, she was constantly snacking and no routine was created at all. I mean, how could she create one? I can't even create my own routine and I'm an adult. She was constantly eating, never getting a full feed and I was extremely exhausted with sore breasts and nipples. My mom encouraged me to maybe try a 3 hour routine. I didn't want to go against what the doctor was saying.. But trusting my mom, since she's been there, I tried it anyway. The second I put her on an "every 3 hour" schedule, my problems got much better, she even slept better at night. It was so nice knowing what to expect in terms of when she was going to eat. I still feed her early if she is asking for it, or if she is extra fussy. But I try to stay on schedule as much as possible.

7- It's okay to not wake baby up at night for a feeding (after 2 weeks + if baby is gaining enough)

Oh boy, if I only knew.. I wonder if that could have helped her in her day and night time confusion. My pediatrician asked me around week 5 if I was still waking her, which I was. He told me that I didn't need to wake her at night, as she was gaining plenty of weight. Well, good to know. Except now little miss Adeline had gotten accustomed to feeding at night. I don't know if it would have been different had I created the habit of "night is for sleep" a little sooner, but I know that with our next one, to not be so "on the dot" at night. I'll allow them to snooze a little longer. Also, my sisters nurse told her, that a newborn is aloud to have a 5 hour stretch at night without nursing. While I was told to wake her every 2 hours. Now I don't know why it's so different in the states, but my sister has the healthiest and chunkiest baby and she is a great sleeper, so it must not have hurt her..

PLEASE KNOW.

A lot of this is subjective. I am NOT a doctor. These are just things that were new for me, things I wouldn't have known things I would have never tried unless someone who has been there would have given me the advice to try it differently then what "the rules " say.

If you question if you are doing something wrong because it is not 'by the rules', just ask yourself "is your baby happy?" I was so worried I was doing things wrong and my mom would simply say, look at her, look at how content she is. She would remind we that she was gaining enough and that she was a happy baby and that is what's important.

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I hope I could tell you something new, to help you out like it did me. And please, if there is anything missing from this list, comment below!

Love, Sharon


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